Against the grain for the greater good

On the topic of last week’s post, let’s talk about human value again, shall we? Specifically in terms of making untraditional choices and society’s failure to realise that the reason behind said choices does not concern anyone other than the person making it. I am of course, yet again, talking about something people like to pretend doesn’t occur in their world, because acknowledging it would mean they would have to reflect on why on earth they didn’t take a beat to contemplate just how clever it would be to bake a batch of mini-mes with subpar ingredients…

Firstly, I’d like to begin by explaining that this is not necessarily about deciding whether or not to have children – we need to acknowledge the fact that there are quite a few people that would very much like to have them but cannot. The reason should be of no importance to anyone but the person and/or couple suffering from involuntary infertility, unless you are in a position that allows you to help them realise their dream of reproducing.

Secondly, many of my friends have kids. Some were perhaps more of a surprise than they would have liked at the time of conception and others not, but in every case they have shown themselves to be rather spectacular at this whole parenting gig.

So, let it be known that I am not against people reproducing. I am simply hinting at the fact that whether you want to or not should be a private matter. Furthermore, choosing not to doesn’t mean you hate children. In more cases than not, I expect it is the complete opposite.

Let’s say you’re just getting to know someone and you’re of a certain age, so you’re trying to find out just how compatible your lives are before commit to a serious friendship. Asking them if they’ve any children would be perfectly natural. If their answer to your question is no, however, you have absolutely no right to ask them why. Doing so would be rather cruel, plus it is none of your business.

It would be akin to asking you why your mother didn’t allow you enough oxygen when you were in the womb, or, indeed, why on earth you found it necessary to contribute to an overpopulation that is threatening to drain the earth’s natural resources. You can read more about the intricacies of population growth, environmental degradation and climate change in article published on the UN’s website by clicking on this sentence.

Regardless, you could stir up a whole turdnado (you know, like a sharknado, but with shit) by poking your nose where it doesn’t belong. Just think about it – would you be able to handle it if your ‘simple question’ was the last straw for this person?

Granted, for some, it’s about taking the responsibility of not forcing the life of an unwanted creature on an often unsuspecting world. But that’s a decision that will have layers to it as well. There might be a family history of mental illness or a birth defect of some kind, it could be the lack of any known family history, perhaps they experienced or observed traumatic events during their own childhood that impacted their choice. Or, hot fucking take, they just didn’t want to risk having their downstairs ripped apart by someone they might not even like, only for post partum depression to take over once the downstairs have stopped aching.

Also, in case you didn’t know, raising kids is expensive. Not everyone has savings or a steady job to help fund the endless list of activities and made-up holidays everyone has to attend nowadays. Or a partner with which to share the financial struggles, for that matter.

Then there are people who didn’t have a choice in the matter. Victims of rape, some of which might not even know they are pregnant until it’s too late to do something about it. Women that have been forced to live with a living, breathing constant reminder of one of the worst, most painful moments of their existence, only to develop a love for the thing, stronger than the love they have for themselves. Or women that have experienced the same and having to give the child up for adoption without their consent. Asking them why? Not okay.

There’s a multitude of possible reasons why one would make the choice of going against the norm. Perhaps the term childless is the culprit. We don’t call the opposite child-riddled, so why does not having kids deserve such a negative suffix? If I’d had more time, I’d dive deep into the etymology here, but I will save it for another day.

There are plenty of happy childfree people out there as well, of course. Guess what? Their reason is also private, unless they bring it up.

So, my frustration remains with society’s lack of respect for the privacy of those who have chosen differently than the norm. Take, for example, a setting where colleagues are getting to know one another and one party is pointing out left and right the other’s ‘poor’ qualities, such as their failure to own the newest Tesla or a house in the best school district, their unsuitable romantic partner (or lack thereof) or how they spend their wages on ‘silly’ things that make them happy. Yet, in the same breath, they demand to know why you’re not bringing any children into the world; as if they wanted a filthy pariah to have little clones running around. Perhaps they’re afraid their offspring won’t have anyone to pick on, if the lesser caste refuse to comply with the demands of beige society.

My only fear is that all of the clever people have stopped reproducing and that the idiots have taken over.

Right, that’s enough for today. Luckily, I know that some of the finest humans around have managed to produce at least one or two good eggs over the past two decades, so I’ll not be around when the turdnado comes, nor do I need to worry about any descendants of mine suffering through it either.

See you next Tuesday. Until then, enjoy this little gem from NOFX: