Just a year ago now, I was in my 30th year of living (or slowly dying) with the most self-effacing, all-consuming, terrifying disease, that I’ve let dictate my life for as long as I remember; obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).

There’s still, seemingly, a lot of confusion as to what OCD actually is – a lot of people seem to think that it’s synonymous with being a bit anal about tidiness and wanting things to be ‘just so’. Sorry to say, but you couldn’t be more wrong. You can’t be ‘a little bit OCD’. Unless you actually are the disorder, you cannot be it (let’s be honest, this is just a matter of good grammar), and I’d argue that you can’t really have ‘a little bit’ of it either, as this thing can take over your life completely. If you don’t understand it, I am so very happy for you, but if you do, or if someone close to you suffers from OCD, I think you might benefit from listening to one of my favourite pods, that tackles the things in our lives that can be particularly challenging.

So, a year ago, I had been accepted into an intensive treatment programme of said disease, known as the Bergen 4-Day Treatment, and I was a fortnight away from complete upheaval – a massive change – to life as I knew it. A year later, ‘the big O’ is still lurking in the nooks and crannies of my subconscious, like a barracuda in shallow water, but I now possess the techniques to keep it underwater most of the time. Which brings me to the reason why I am writing this post.

This morning, I was listening to Bryony Gordon chatting to Tuppence Middleton about her experience with OCD (link to the podcast episode in the icon below), and I wasn’t long into the episode before I realised I was crying. Tears of relief? Sure. Tears of joy from the fact that there are others like me? Definitely.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. It’s not that kind of ‘joy’. But stuff like this makes me feel like less of an outsider. So I hope that, by sharing this, someone else can find the same solace in knowing that you are not alone.

I cannot recommend this episode enough, if you want some insight into how the human brain can take over and make self-sabotage into something that, to the person, is perceived as a sort of coping mechanism. Which it oftentimes was, at least for me, in terms of my needing some sense of control in a life that had lost all its meaning and needed some structure.

The episode also tackles other important mental health stuff, so if that’s your cup of tea, you just might love this pod as much as I do.

Until next time – E xx

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