Single and forced to mingle

Recently, big business found yet another way for consumerism to separate us from our wages, under the guise of discounts and special offers in celebration of a new (to me, at least) money making scheme/unofficial global shopping holiday; singles’ day. As far as I can tell, the tradition goes back a decade or two, as a celebration for people that are not in relationships to come together for a fun time, but I refuse to put the phrase into my search engine to find out how old this new organised shopping frenzy is. Regardless, I suspect this capitalist take on the event has been created to make room for the useless shite shops, hotels and airlines need to stock their digital shelves with for Black Friday.

I would have applauded the celebration, had it actually celebrated singlehood and single folks. It would have been great, had the offers and discounts been exclusive to those of us ‘fortunate’ enough to pay our bills by our sorry selves – living alone is bloody expensive – yet that’s of course not how it works. Not only can married/coupled folks benefit from the same singles’ day ‘offers’ as those of us sans soulmates – I even received an offer from a travel agent (that will remain unnamed) via email, where they offered me an “even better discount” if I was “travelling with a partner”. Another email explicitly said “don’t worry if you’re not single, these discounts applies to you as well, as long as you use the code XX”. What the fuck?

So, as a single person, I am expected to pay more for my flights and accommodation when I travel somewhere by myself all year around, but couples can save more on a deal – a deal that exists because of single people – than the actual single solo traveller? Why should they get my discount on the one day out of the year where businesses could have done something nice for us and let us save a few bucks on something that’s not in bulk, for once? But no. Once again, the singleton is reminded of their place in society and capitalism is the ultimate victor. Enough, already.

I get it. The economy is fucked. But that doesn’t justify screwing us over. Just because we’re used to not getting any, doesn’t mean that we’ll happily lie down and take it when offered the chance.

And with this, I find myself at what inspired my little rant today; the difference between consent and compliance. By no means do I claim to be the first person to point out the fact that there is a difference – I will gladly admit that my inspiration comes from not one but two podcasts I’ve been listening to lately (Speaking of Psychology and MissUnderstood/Sorry, I Missed This), I just found that their take on it made me see some of my past mistakes in a new light. Additionally, being able to differentiate between the two will never not be important.

If you’re missing the logical connecting step from shopping to consent here, I will list a few of the reasons why I am single (and have been for most of my life).

Non-singles and ‘normal’ singles alike tend to assume that all single folks are tirelessly and desperately looking for ‘their person’. Whilst many are doing precisely that, there are also those of us who have found the one we would like to be with, but like with many of the universe’s cruel jokes, our beloved does not be-love or even be-like us back, or they are simply in a relationship already. So me being the way I am (i.e. possibly a smidge hyperfocused on anything and everything that manages to tickle my fancy) will more often than not be inclined to wait patiently for their relationship to peter out before making a move and/or moving on. There’s a need to know if they would feel the same if they could. In short, it’s not my lacking the ability to find someone, or having impossibly high standards. Nay, for me to give up my life for a relationship, I need it to be with a person that I actually like enough for me to feel as if I’m not giving anything up at all.
It’s about the person, not the relationship. It seems a lot of people are desperate to be in a relationship. So desperate, in fact, that they suffer through physical violence and psychological warfare, prostitution, childbirth, vasectomies, you name it. They just want to show the world that someone chose them. But, did they, though? Noooooo thank you. Also, I quite like the peace and quiet. Next!
Then there’s the rejection sensitivity that comes with my ADHD, and the RSD, the misguided attempts at second guessing every move, over analysing every word, every movement, my forty years of being told that other people’s needs are far more important than my own, which incidentally has caused me to gaslight myself into thinking that compliance is consent.

As you can tell, it is probably best that I stay away from the relationship game. I have been in too many situations where I’ve felt as if I had to choose between having to deal with a negative reaction if I’d said ‘no’ or accepting the awful feeling of guilt that would come from not meeting their needs and having them hate me on top of it. There was no way I could win. Just the thought of hurting them hurt me more than the pain that they – and, to some extent, I – put me through. I’ve been too afraid to go to the police when I should have done, on more than one occasion, just because I couldn’t handle the thought of the implications it would have for my attackers. Why I didn’t think as far as what damage they would be able to do to others when they were able to walk free is beyond me – I guess I just assumed that I was the only sort of person that would deserve being treated that way. No one in their right mind would do such horrible things to someone pretty, someone nice, someone that’s worth something. But I’ve realised now, that it’s not only us uggos that get raped. Unfortunately, it seems a lot easier for people to believe the pretty ones.

Now, I’m not saying romance is dead. Quite the opposite! And I have a lot of lovely couple friends that have great relationships. I think they deserve all the love in the world. I’m just saying that on singles’ day, they can back off and leave the special offers to those of us that don’t have anyone to split the rent with. I promise not to take any of their valentine’s day thunder. And, who knows – perhaps there’s love on the cards for me as well?

Yes, I am looking at you, Michael Palin.

It’s late! We should all go to bed. But before you do, remember to buy a copy of my book – if you want it by crimbo, you’ll need to order it by the 5th of December.

Next week, I’ll write a little something about limerence. See you next Tuesday!

25th November 2025 0

Procrastinato ergo sum

I know… pretty pretentious header, right? Also, I’m pretty sure there’s no such thing as ‘procratinato’ in Latin (or any other language, for that matter) and I refuse to Google it. Perhaps a good name for a super villain. Surely better than Dung beetle Man or whatever DeeC or Morvil is franchising these days. Anyway – if you thought I’d forgotten all about what day it was, you’d be mistaken. I have just been completely unable to complete the first (and easiest) task on my to-do list for a good ten days. Now, for some reason I am only able to cross things off my list in the assigned order, yet I have managed to do a shit-tonne of things not on my list instead. Sound familiar?

Procrastination. Expertly defined by the Government of Western Australia Department of Health as “making a decision for no valid reason to delay or not complete a task or goal you’ve committed too, and instead doing something of lesser importance, despite there being negative consequences to not following through on the original task or goal” (CCI, 2025).

Defined everywhere else as “self-defeating behaviour”. Both correct, both very in my nature. In everyone’s nature, if we are to believe the Internet. Is there a miracle cure, or does it serve a purpose? I mean, the shelves in my fridge have never been cleaner, but they weren’t really that dirty in the first place. Certainly not to the extent that I can justify potentially losing my job over choosing to scrub them for hours on end. Why do we do it?

Some say it’s a perfectionism thing, but I’m not willing to buy that. I’d say it’s the fear of success, a symptom of unhappiness with the situation that requires you to do said task, the task’s implied simplicity fucking with our heads and making us look for pitfalls that aren’t there, or a combination of the three. Or maybe you crave the rush of completing the task at the last minute to obtain a tiny dopamine hit. Prolonged procrastination can be indicative of adult ADHD, but this has to do with poor executive functioning and task initiation. You can read more about the link between adult ADHD and procrastination in an article posted by Berkeley Psychiatrists by clicking on this sentence.

Regardless, procrastination isn’t something that just affects people with neurodevelopmental disorders – it can affect the best of us. And, boy, is it a blooming time suck!

Anyway, that really has to be it for now – I’ve got about a fortnight’s worth of work to do in 72 hours (don’t worry, I can manage) and should get back to it. I leave you today with a link to a podcast episode I was enjoying earlier today (before I realised what time it was and nearly had a stroke). The first one is on ADHD and willpower, the other is an interview with Marishhhhhhhhhhka Hargitay. Next time, I think I’ll write about FEAR, if I haven’t already.

Hypertentionally Yours, E. C U next Tuesday!

21st October 2025 0

Life, anxiety and a “sticky” brain

Before we get started on today’s topic, I just want to give a huge, heartfelt thanks to those of you who continue to find the time in your busy day to read my posts – it really means a lot! If this is your first time on here, you can read my previous posts on the main blog page.

Now, for the subject I had planned on writing about last week; unwanted intrusive thoughts. There seems to be a lot of confusion as to what they actually are and how they can manifest, and I have only recently been made aware of the fact that the term isn’t necessarily restricted to just thoughts and images. They are of course what we normally hear or read about, but that’s not the whole picture – it’s not just random thoughts and images. It can include unwanted sensations, memories and stories as well. Possibly more, I really do not know. But I’ve come across a few interesting perspectives and theories on this subject close to my heart that have made me feel a little more enlightened, that perhaps others can find some comfort in as well. BUT. There is, as always, a big dollop of my opinion in here as well, so take everything I say with a pinch of salt. Especially the part about coding. Anyway, that’s the disclaimer out of the way. On with the show.

It seems to me that referring to these uncontrollable impulses or processes as ‘thoughts’ is not only a gigantic misnomer, but hugely misleading, as the phenomenon can be better described as automatically generated impulses or processes that become unwanted when they feel intrusive in an unnerving way, causing distress and excessive rumination. If the brain was a computer, this process could be compared to a constant generation of possible and/or/not responses to any scenario or eventuality one might run into, where the ‘correct’ response – i.e. the action caused by the prompt – is picked based on true/false Boolean logic. Although I flunked out of computer science quicker than you can say 01001110101 20 years ago, this little part of simple coding somehow stuck with me. It works great for simple processes, but a more complex and unpredictable system just might crash once in a while, or let something inappropriate surface by accident.

What I can gather from most of the articles and research papers I’ve come across so far, is that the experts agree that we all have these concurrent processes going on all of the time – it’s completely natural. Which makes sense. Much like a computer that never switches off or reboots, our brain keeps processing and generating impulses that will keep us from switching off. And, much like when we are in the dream state of sleep, some pretty random stuff can manifest from one of the potential responses generated by some event that perhaps entered our subconscious via an advert, a TV show or something we saw out of the corner of our eye when we weren’t really paying attention, seemingly from out of nowhere. Since we did not interact with this event, in that it did not happen to us directly, our reaction (or response) is not necessarily in line with our conscious thoughts, wants or wishes. Needless to say, your mind suddenly doing something so outlandish to you it seems as if you no longer control your urges or behaviour, it can be a jarring experience.

Imagine, for instance, that you’re having a bad dream because you’ve watched A Nightmare on Elm Street, but instead of being chased by Freddy Krueger… you are the monster killer… only, you’re not asleep in your bed – you’re wide awake and thinking about stabbing the person next to you in the lift to death with a rusty blade. And this urge has made itself known despite your pacifist nature and philanthropic views, yet it feels so real, as if you’ve lost all control of yourself and that your sanity hangs on by a thread. Pretty terrifying, right?

Luckily, for most people, a sudden flash of an alternate reality such as this can be shrugged off as what it is; something bizarre, laughable, that would never, ever happen. But for those of us prone to internalising, overanalysing and rumination? When these unwanted intrusive responses land on our particularly sticky brains, it can become a real problem, sometimes leading to self-deprecating behaviour, negative self-talk and suicidal ideation. If you suffer from anxiety or a personality disorder, you might even convince yourself that this means that this is your ‘true personality’ shining through, and the more you think about it, the harder it seems to stick. I won’t go into specifics here, as to what some people can convince themselves to be capable of – it can be all too triggering.

And why focus on the negative, when there seems to be a universal concurrence among experts, that that is absolutely not the case? I mean, if something seems so foreign to you that you’re practically contorted by feelings of repulsion and anger, it is probably not your second nature. If you were to get a song you really hate stuck on a loop in your head, you wouldn’t think that to mean it was secretly your favourite song, would you?

Then, why can it be so difficult to dismiss these impulses when they occur? My guess would be that our anxiety feeds off of such things and it is far too easy to go into that unhealthy spiral of self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness.

Well, how the fuck can I rid myself of this affliction, then? you may ask.

This is where the experts tend to disagree. (Which is why I’ve chosen not to mention any of said experts by name, but I’ll include some links to articles on the subject below, if you want to read more about the different theories). Some say they will only go away if you ignore them, while others say that you simply must acknowledge them before you can let them go. Me? I am inclined to think that there is no cure-all. What works for your aunt Mildred might not work for you, and what works for you will probably not work for your best mate. We are all different, despite being similar in so many ways. But, what I am fairly certain might be a really good idea to do, if you are struggling from the distress brought on by experiencing unwanted intrusive urges, physical sensations, images, scenarios or thoughts, is to talk to a professional about it. You can start by finding a mental health help organisation that can point you in the right direction of someone that understands how debilitating living with something like this can be. Links to articles below.

Support groups in the UK

Mental health support phone service in Norway

Finding a good therapist in the US

That’s all for now. See you next Tuesday for another overshare. Or go buy my E-book – it’s on special offer this week.

Alex Dimitriu, M.D., an expert in sleep medicine and psychiatry, offers some tips on how to tackle – or even stop – unwanted intrusive thoughts in this article.

Read this article on Psychology Today on unwanted intrusive thoughts by Martin Seif Ph.D. ABPP and Sally Winston Psy.D.

Or this one, by the same authors, where they have a closer look at intrusive sensations and stories

How rumination harms your mental health

When Thoughts are Sticky; Pure OCD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, by Hannah R. Goodman

30th September 2025 0

Understanding repression

Snapshot of page 237 of the 2008 Collins Thesaurus A-Z

It is safe to say that the term repression has been rather dirtied since the emergence and popularisation of Freud’s psychoanalytical theories. When it comes to the human psyche and how we store memories, I quite like the third of Collins Thesaurus three definitions; to “subdue, abuse, wrong, persecute, quell, subjugate, maltreat” – opposites of ‘liberate’ (p. 237, 2008).

(Yes, I own a physical copy of the Collins Thesaurus because I am a big nerd. Also, I like the way it smells.)

I am writing this not to discuss or critique freudian views, but to have a closer look at what we know about these so-called repressed memories and, to some extent, the treatment of psychological symptoms that may be rooted in traumatic events, from which the brain decided to ‘quell’ the circumstances because it didn’t seem productive to dwell on them at the time of their occurrence.

Firstly, the repression of memories is largely understood as a defense mechanism. In my own words; the unconscious makes the conscious existence more tolerable by hiding something that may be too difficult to grasp, or even live with, when the event occurs. It is not a conscious decision to forget something – that would be ‘suppression’.

I found myself thinking a lot, when studying pedagogy and special education, that whenever my books or professors mentioned resilience in children, repression was part of the package. As in, resilience was synonymous with a natural ability to unconsciously ignore otherwise unbearable trauma by blocking out their occurrence. This may be true – I never managed to investigate outside of my notions – but I find that resilience is more of a fight or flight response in that it enables you to get through something. When the trauma turns into a prolonged event, however, there is no telling when or if you’ll come out of it.

I theorise that the above creates an accumulation of unwanted/repressed memories that in turn start to fester, ultimately manifesting as symptoms of depression, anxiety, paranoia, PTSD – a disease that makes every waking moment drip with existential fear – and no way of finding out where the symptoms stem from when the pressure is released and you finally have a second to sort your head out. Thus, you’ll find yourself in need of professional help. However, if you cannot explain to yourself what caused your view of the world, or your coping mechanisms, it is almost impossible to put into words and efficiently communicate that which is left of these events – mainly the ambiance, smells, the emotions you felt – to someone that can actually aid your becoming a functional adult.

I have struggled with this myself, in different scenarios, and I’ve also been very aware/fearful of the fact that the act of trying to bring forth a repressed memory can create an unreliable or ‘false’ memory due to the suggestive invocations facilitated during EMDR, or awaken something that one is not yet ready to deal with, at least not without accompanying memories to the event that may remain repressed after such a session. Psychology Today has an interesting article about the debate over repressed memories, where you can read more about how trying to force the re-emergence of a memory may not have the desired effect by clicking anywhere on this sentence. It’s an interesting read.

I found another article on the same site, where the headline simply read “There’s No Delete Button in the Human Psyche – Fortunately”, which is something that I found to be true this morning, when I was sent a document that highlighted something that I, from June 2002 and up until that moment, had absolutely no recollection of. What’s more, it dislodged a few other bits from the same time period. This is what possessed me to write about repression, rather than the topic I’d planned on writing about initially (just keep an eye on the blog next week – you’ll discover what that was then).

Our brain’s memory – our hard drive – can be a complex entity. I find that my own, very much like the Cloud or One Drive, oftentimes cannot be bothered telling me where it has stored something. It’s there, but elusive – it only shows up when I’m not paying attention – more often than not in the shape of a flashback that makes my whole day go topsy-turvy, spurred on by a familiar smell or scenario (or when I am trying to attach one of my most recently used files to an email, on my computer’s hard drive).

So, I think there’s certainly a link between repressed memories and childhood trauma. There is a good chance that we need to accept and acknowledge the fact that these memories remain inside of our brains as shadows, rather than perhaps trying to force them to come out, in order to heal our repressed adult selves. And I am sure there is no universal solution to how one should go about it either. But I reckon finding a professional hand to hold for the especially bumpy parts of the winding road that life can be is as good advice as any.

Learn more about Repressed trauma by clicking this one.

I also have a theory about the connection between repression and Alzheimer’s disease, but we will have to save that for another day.

As always, please go check out my book if you enjoyed my writing – you might like it.

I’ll leave you with a link to a YouTube video of one of the finest songs ever to be performed in a musical, by the great Elaine Paige.

See you next Tuesday!

23rd September 2025 0

Lessons loss taught me

This past Sunday marked the 30th anniversary of the death of someone very dear to me. Thirty years gone, and my grief is so tremendous, still, that it manages to throw me off balance and send me straight into the void of darkness. Surely, that’s not healthy? It never used to bother me before – back when my entire existence consisted of me wallowing in my putrid pigsty of pain – but as that’s no longer an option, I’ve been tempted into a little research project to find out if my current suspicion can be backed by science.

My theory is this; being unable to grieve properly at the time has affected how I deal with feelings in general and thus stunted my emotional growth. I am sure that a lot can be learned from the experience of losing a loved one and dealing with the loss. As cheesy as it may sound, I am curious to find out if allowing myself to feel will help me heal. I think it just might be instrumental.

There are a million articles online about how important the grieving process is, but I think the way writer Jon Scalabrini articulates the detrimental effects of suppressing or not acknowledging certain feelings in his article on Peacefully.com illustrates my understanding perfectly and succinctly:

“By avoiding emotions, one creates future challenges; thus, “moving on” in the short term ultimately creates long-term difficulties.”

You can read the article in full by clicking anywhere on this sentence.

In my case, I was forced to move on too quickly due to matters outside of my control. This taught me – and my subconscious – that my feelings were not valid or important and therefore should not be acknowledged. My black and white thinking made sure this would be applied to all future scenarios where I’d be likely to feel strongly about something – or someone – in any way. I was unable to see how this could be circumstantial. So, to make things easier for myself and everyone else, I adapted. Or, likely overcorrected. I adopted a few terrible coping mechanisms once I entered young adulthood, which have continued to block my path to enlightenment.

I feel as if this is something that I need to un-learn, so I was delighted to find an episode from the American Psychological Association’s podcast series Speaking of Psychology, where interviewee Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, spoke about her studies on grief and grieving and how grieving can be a form of learning, among other things. The episode is called How grieving changes the brain and is available on the APA’s website, as well as on podcast streaming platforms.

I was not so delighted, however, to find that I likely suffer from prolonged grief disorder. Oh well, I’m sure there is CBT for that. Anyway.

O’Connor goes on to explain how the grieving process involves having to learn to live our lives without the person we’ve lost in it, that we need to find out who we are, now that the world around us has changed in such a profound way. It’s a rewiring of the brain – a learning process. Neuroplasticity. It’s a very interesting episode, as they go into the difference between grief and grieving, links to depression and different types of therapy that can help with the grieving process.

My main take from the episode, to benefit the validity of my theory, is that we must acknowledge the feelings we are experiencing for us to go through the process and come out on the other side of it stronger than we were when we went in. It is my understanding that avoidance is the opposite of helpful if we want to learn and ultimately move on. And accepting a loss as reality does not mean that we have to stop loving the person they were when they were still here, but that we cannot let that loss or its circumstances dictate how we live our lives from that point on. We need to accept the fact that it is okay to love again, whilst realising how a new love does not take away from the old one. Moving on does not mean that we have to forget, but perhaps – with time – we can learn how to look back at the fond memories that made us cherish them so, instead of clinging to the sadness and the trauma we experienced when they were taken from us.

Now, back to those “long-term difficulties” from the Scalabrini quote. My experience taught me that I was worthless. A deep emotional wound that has kept growing and festered over the years, by giving me the gift of trust issues, self-deprecating behaviour and self-sabotage, and only allowing myself to “feel” or emote when I’ve had enough alcohol to justify letting the tears stream freely down my face. I’d schedule my emotive cries, so not to become emotional in public. But by doing this with my painful emotions, my brain would of course apply this to any positive feelings as well, meaning that I wouldn’t allow myself to acknowledge any feelings of happiness either.

It’s a lot easier to convince yourself that you’re unlovable, than it is to remain hopeful that someone will one day actually think you’re something other than a huge piece of shite. Unless you start administering some much needed self-care post-haste.

I think, based on what I’ve learned today, that my theory holds up. What’s more – because of this – I now realise that it is not too late to start rewiring my brain so that I can make my way through the final stage of the process of my prolonged grief. Acknowledging the feelings, accepting the loss and starting to look at how my life would be different if I wasn’t so gung ho on treating everything based on something I interpreted incorrectly three decades ago are all parts of the healing process.

Never let anyone tell you how you should or should not feel – it can only lead to bad things, as we’ve learned from my previous post on the importance of having your emotions validated.

That’s it for today. Buy my book! See you next Tuesday.

16th September 2025 0

Broken seems to be the hardest word

Or, at least the word appears to be difficult to hear for most of the ADHD podcasters. I’m not sure exactly when it became obligatory to end every episode with a ‘Remember, you’re not broken – just different‘, or something in the vein of that. To that, I have precisely one thing to say: Fuck off.

This type of message can be construed as the speaker is telling someone how to feel. There’s a word for this; invalidation.

American psychologist Dr Jamie Long defines invalidation as:

“The process of denying, rejecting or dismissing someone’s feelings. Invalidation sends the message that a person’s subjective emotional experience is inaccurate, insignificant, and/or unacceptable.”

Long goes on to explain that telling someone they shouldn’t feel a certain way ‘conveys contempt and superiority’. Regardless of how unintentional it may be, invalidation can be ‘one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse’, according to Dr Long (2017).

You can read the article in full on her website, by clicking this link.

With some facts to justify my opinion and highlight the importance of acknowledging others, I’ll get on with my rant.

To my knowledge, no prophet worth their salt ever claimed to be one. Apart from Brian, perhaps, but we all remember that he was just a ‘very naughty boy‘. Yet, a horde of mental patients turned self-proclaimed neurodivergence experts have come to think of themselves as the second coming, or perhaps a little closer to the big man; omniscient.

They seemingly liken themselves to the Messiah of the looney bin – leaders of the un-broken newly diagnosed. Behaving as if they have all the answers makes them a potential danger to themselves and others, just because they’ve been diagnosed with something that made them crawl into a seemingly bottomless search engine wormhole, or even crack a book in some cases. Ironically, in true ADHD hyperfocus fashion, they seemingly forgot to check the facts or look for more sides to the story when they’d had their fill of research and decided their newfound knowledge must be broadcast to fellow sufferers, because now they have found the answer! Come off it.

As Attitude puts it in their well-researched article on hyperfocus, once in this state, we can often become ‘so engrossed we block out the world around us’. Which, of course, can be good for our personal learning.

However, it can make some people forget that the information we devour might not be applicable to others. I particularly find this to be the case with podcasters with AuDHD, which shouldn’t come as a massive surprise, seeing as some of them struggle to see past their own nose on a good day. Put in a more delicate way, in an article by the NHS on autism in adults, people with autism ‘find it hard to understand what others are thinking or feeling’ and can ‘take things very literally’. These traits, combined with hyper fixation and a WiFi connection, is perhaps a concoction best left to sit safely behind an unhackable paywall. Which, in fairness, someone with AuDHD would likely be able to set up, given they have a special interest in computer programming.

Anyway, we are back to the initial phrase. The ‘you are not broken‘ness of it all. Due to AuDHD podcasters innate quality of having trouble putting themselves in somebody else’s shoes, they may fail to see how this statement might make someone slightly more emotionally inclined feel as if their feelings have been dismissed and trivialised. Because some of us actually need to feel a little broken, in order to put ourselves back together again.

Either way, someone with an extreme need for attention might not be the best educator. And if you’re the host of a podcast where you are the main attraction and self-proclaimed expert, you should’ve guessed it, you are bordering on narcissism. It’s like going down to Speakers’ corner and shouting your opinion for everyone to hear, but the problem is that, since you’ve invested in a mic and some audio editing software, people are likely to think that you’ve actually got something of value to share, outside of your own lived experience.

I’m not saying all people with autism are narcissists, nor do I mean to claim that all of them are utterly devoid of empathy, I am simply pointing out the damage something unintentional can cause if you don’t stop to take all of the facts adhering to a diagnosis – and not least differences in personality and/or lived experience – into consideration before you present something as a universal truth.

Invalidation (and autism) aside, there’s something to be said for letting yourself really feel what you feel, in order to achieve a sense of control over the emotion – rather than having it control you.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t think wallowing is particularly good for you either. But surely you are sending some conflicting signals to your unconscious if you let someone else dictate how you feel. I suppose it can be nice to hear that someone else thinks that you should think that you are a good human specimen just as you are, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that you yourself feel as if you are in dire need of repair.

Most of us can’t just adopt a mantra of saying ‘I’m not broken’ to ourselves in the mirror until we’re blue in the face and hope that some sort of unbrokenness will manifest all of its own – we have to acknowledge and respect the process before we can trust it.

So what if I am a little broken right now. But it is crucial to my recovery that I can be allowed to acknowledge that and start learning how to rebuild myself over time – adopting new, healthier coping strategies that will keep me from falling a part too quickly the next time life throws me a few curveballs. Your telling me I’m not broken really isn’t helping when that’s how I feel. And I am sure others feel the same way.

My process is my own and I need to work through it, without someone else trivialising my emotions or my situation. I need to be able to imagine for myself a life in which I am a little more together in order to find the steps to get there.

I forget who said this, but I think ‘there is beauty in something that has been broken and put back together, because its new composition makes it stronger and more unique‘ is a good quote. Might have gotten it from a Hallmark movie, actually. Anyway.

We can all feel a little broken sometimes. That should be okay, shouldn’t it? It shows that we’ve got some perspective and self-awareness.

The fact that you feel a little fragmented right now, doesn’t mean you won’t at some point become something that feels a bit more whole – or that you should come to believe it’s a permanent state. Quite the opposite – we just need to find all the pieces and the right adhesive before we start piecing it all together.

There is great strength in admitting weakness. And you can quote me on that.

See you next Tuesday, for a special Piemageddon update!

Here are some sick Bad Religion tunes as a reward for reading. A proverbial potpourri of punk at its very finest. Enjoy!

5th August 2025 1