Diving deep into the metaphysics of it all this week, upon discovering a term previously flying far too far below my radar (and, incidentally, my navel) to receive any acknowledgement; metacognition. Naturally, this sent me into a frenzied bout of sceptical introspection… Scepto-ception?!
Good grief, if Susie Dent were to stumble upon this post, she’ll no doubt have me decapitated. With good reason!
On with the show…
So, metacognition is really just the ability to understand your own thought process. I suppose you could call it a sort of mindful thinking, where you dissect every morsel to see how it came to be and how it can be reconstructed or directed to develop further. I like to envision it as cognitive metamorphosis, where the thought process takes on a physical form… like a fertilised brain-egg, dividing itself into tiny clusters of what-ifs, pausing here and there to contemplate whether it would like to become a Falkor-type hero or a mini Mengele. And, should it fail its mission and choose the latter, it would cause itself to implode and would have to restart the process. Anyway, don’t take my word for it when you can read all about a few different definitions of metacognition on Science Direct, by clicking anywhere on this sentence.
What brought me here today, though, was my reaction to hypnosis. Which, in turn, brought me to a state of such relaxation that I found myself watching a full reel of this lady going on about metacognition and how it is more likely to occur in individuals who, for one reason or another, have had to teach themselves to anticipate the needs of others ahead of time in order to avoid conflict. I’m paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it.
Now, if this is not your first time here, I suspect you can smell a rant coming. But first, I’d like to once again touch on this hypnosis business. First of all, it was nothing like what popular culture has taught us – I hope you’re picturing a man being hypnotised by a magician on stage, instantly turning into a Clockwork Orange-esque giant baby by the snap of the magician’s fingers – it was quite the opposite. Although, the main principle of becoming relaxed enough to have one’s subconscious manipulated remains, it is a far more active experience that I thought it would be. (Active, in the sense that I was fully conscious for the whole thing – there was no ‘and now you’ll enter a deep sleep’ nonsense). Rather, this was quite similar to my experiences with guided meditation. Apart from the fact that during hypnosis, I was allowed to move if I had to – ultimately removing my urge to do so. And so, for the second time in 42 years, the other time was during a yoga class at the Quartermile PureGym in Edinburgh, I became so relaxed that I became a little emotional.
But, yeah, I relaxed for all of 20 minutes and then I cried. And then, on my way home, I began contemplating my navel. Normally, I’d say nothing good comes from such an activity, but it had me stumble upon a personality trait that I have come to detest in a certain type of so-called neuro-fluencer types; ignorance. The most painful realisation being that I had been guilty of the same on one or more occasions.
‘Me, me, meeeeee!‘ amirite? I jest, I know how to spell. Here comes the rant!
Owning that you’re a little different is great. But being different does not entitle you to be insufferable. Just, you know, come off it. You may have felt something click inside you when you were diagnosed, but that doesn’t mean you get to preach about like you’re possessed every time you’re in a social setting. Did it ever occur to you that your friend(s) might like to talk about something other than you for a change? They are the main character* in their respective lives too. It’s not as if they’ve been sat around, patiently waiting for you to find yourself. And it is certainly not their fault that you’ve felt as if you’ve had to hold your tongue for your entire life and have finally been given permission to speak up.
In fact, it is now you that are doing to them the injustice you thought others were serving you, when in all likelihood they weren’t even thinking about how their actions affected you. But you, the oh, so metacognisant, you are doing it despite your awareness of the potential harm your behaviour might cause. So, come the fuck off it. Talk to your therapist about your experience, discuss it with them, that’s what they are there for – don’t talk their ear off for an hour, and then go talk at your pal about talking in therapy for an hour afterwards.
Ever heard of active listening, ya feck?
You’d want a friendship to be transactional, don’t you? Well, then you’re going to have to treat them with a little kindness and gratitude (and not serve them a lecture that would put a certain cheeto-looking dictator to shame).
Just enjoy the fact that you found something that works for you, and that your healthcare system can arrange for a professional to listen to you go on about everything and anything, from emotional scars to grief and that one time someone down the pub told you that you looked exactly like Jabba the Hutt… I digress.
You’re different – great! Now, put what you’ve learned to good use and be content with finally accepting who you are. You see, your pals already have. There’s no need for you to convince them of what they already know; that you’re worthy of their friendship. Perhaps your frantic waving of your freak flag was exactly what brought them to you to begin with – who knows? Either way, maybe now is the time for you to show them that the feeling is mutual.
Anyway, why don’t you have a look at the video below?
See you next Tuesday, for more madness!
*Links to an article on how ‘main character energy’ can pose a problem, on Psychology Today
Gonzo With the Wind 