There’s something special about those first few movies you watch when you’re a little too young. When your mind is still blissfully unaware by the horrors of human nature, your eyes still able to close without the back of your eyelids instantly transforming into screens displaying your innermost fears. No matter the content of these films, and perhaps especially when you don’t yet possess the knowledge to fully comprehend them, they have a way of staying with you for a long time – maybe forever. More often than not, they become a handy source for icebreaking fun-facts. My go-to (and also a great way to find the best weirdos at a party):

Did you know that, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to choose between starving to death and eating one of your friends, you should start with the one with the strongest looking glutes?

Yeah, I was ten when Alive came out. It had Ethan Hawke in it – of course I had to watch it! Although I’m not sure how I can defend my obsession with the bloke in Bon Jovi’s Always music video, who also features in the film quite heavily, as that didn’t come out until the year after. Regardless, if you’re planning on getting stranded on a desert island with me, you’d better lay off the Booty Builder.

I am, of course, talking about cannibalism.

Cannibalism, the consumption of another of one’s own species, is not uncommon. A lot of animals and insects do this – in some cases, it’s even part of their mating ritual. Human cannibalism, however, is not so common (and rather frowned upon in most cultures). Even so, a few fictional anthropophagists have become rather popular on the silver screen, such as Hannibal Lecter, Baba Yaga, the Gingerbread Witch (of Brothers Grimm fame). Then there are those, such as the rugby team from the aforementioned 1993 based-on-a-true-story movie, that have been forced to become nutritional cannibals in order to survive. There are several types of human types of cannibalism, of course, like the necro kind, when you eat the already dead, and homicidal cannibalism, where a human kills another human for the beef (one would assume, the arse), i.e. culinary exploits. Regardless, this is not an episode of The Beef and Dairy Network, so I will leave any details for the experts.

There are also quite a few expeditions, such as the ill-fated Franklin expedition of 1845, where there’s evidence of the explorers having indulged in nutritional cannibalism. Whether or not the eaters waited for their meals to perish of natural causes remains a mystery, but there’s something about the whole thing that, to me, seems a little sinister.

Cannibalism has been known to be part of funeral rites in some cultures. In others, human sacrificed have been made and then eaten. I can sort of understand the cultural cannibalism. It seems practical. But to just sit down and decide to eat someone you’ve planned a trip with? That’s some different level stuff. Anyway, there’s an article on this on Britannica that does a nice deep-dive into this, so read it if you’re thinking yolo when it comes to your search history.

Why did I choose this particular subject, you ask? Well, I was re-watching the rather fantastic Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie the other day (gee whiz, what a cast, by the way!!!), and got to thinking about vampires. But in the buffyverse, vampires are not human – they are demons. And they don’t eat people, they only drain them of haemoglobin… but it still got me thinking that I might be able to find something new and intriguing in my research. Alas, the coolest fact I possess is still the arse one from Alive.

It is mega late, so I will leave you to it. There’s no antropophagy in my book, but there is an event or two that might make you want to put it in the freezer for a couple of days before you keep reading – you can buy it here.

See you next Tuesday, when I will tell you about my theory on why faking it ’til you make it can be especially difficult for those with ADHD. Until then, go watch the Buffy movie – it has Paul Reubens AND Rutger Hauer in it!